Fwd: VPN 3 Year Deal Is Back

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Time is Relative to the Observer (Tick-Tock goes the clock)

River•Bank

Lucy over lancashire

http://www.paulrooney.info/sound/

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Rick*

rick@rickster.co.uk

rickster.co.uk

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tintype morphing from one to another?

Also pixum now has pics on it.

--
Rick*

• rick@rickster.co.uk
• rickster.co.uk
• Vimeo: vimeo.com/rickster
• Twitter: twitter.com/ricksterlondon
• YouTube: youtube.com/rickhalsall

West Hampstead tracks

Location:London,United Kingdom

New Products;Y

Tic Tacs, you know, for Colourists..

There’s a new flavour on Tic Tac on the block called “Teal & Orange” designed especially for Hollywood colourists to consume whilst grading their latest blockbuster. If none of this makes any sense at all you should probably be thanking your lucky stars for not noticing or getting a colour blindness test.

Here are some relevant links:

Teal & Orange

Teal & Orange P2

My Original Blog Post

Test posting from blogpress

Here's a little test


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Warwick Rd,Ealing,United Kingdom

MSN Messenger, Spam and Undies.

Note: Cross posted from Rickster [Random].

Permalink

MSN Messenger loves to send me spam. Every time I log into the thing I get endless messages from people wanting to be my friend. I think however they all have the same agenda (and script by the look of it)

Note: Cross posted from Rickster [Random].

Permalink

Advertorial: PR Material Masquerading as News - BBC

Anybody notice that half the articles in the paper these days are thinly veiled advertorial for a product or service? Here’s one from the BBC website:

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The Pac-Man game Google put on its home page gobbled up almost five million hours of work time, suggests a study.

The playable version of the classic video game was put on Google's front page on 21 May to celebrate 30 years since the launch of Pac-Man in Japan.

The search giant reworked the game so the layout was arranged around letters forming its name.

The Pac-Man game proved so popular that Google has now made it permanently available on its own page.

Time delay

The statistics on how many people played and for how long were gathered by software firm Rescue Time. It makes time-tracking software that keeps an eye on what workers do and where they go online.

On a typical day, it suggests, most people conduct about 22 searches on the Google page, each one lasting about 11 seconds.

Putting Pac-Man on the page boosted that time by an average of about 36 seconds, the firm said based on the browsing habits of 11,000 Rescue Time users.

The firm believes this is a relatively low figure because only a minority realised that the logo was playable. To play, people had to click on the "insert coin" button which replaced the more familiar "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on 21 and 22 May.

Extrapolating this up across the 504 million unique users who visit the main Google page day-to-day, this represents an increase of 4.8 million hours - equal to about 549 years.

In dollar terms, assuming people are paid $25 (£17.50) an hour, this equates to about $120m in lost productivity, the firm said.

For that money, suggested Rescue Time, it would be possible to hire all Google's employees and put them to work for about six weeks.

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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/10153286.stm

 

Have a read of the rescue time website I love these guys. These are the sort of people who think that humans are machines and with a bit of tweaking of the “software” can be made to work at 100% efficiency all of the time. I suppose if they got their own way we’d all be fitted with catheters and fed from a saline drip so we never had to leave our desks.

This sort of “efficiency” nonsense if so lacking in understanding of how human beings work you have to wonder whether they flew in from another planet.

Blank DVD and CD's

--
Rick'ster
www.rickster.org.uk

Macarby Bay Egypt - 27th March - 3rd April

--
Rick'ster
www.rickster.org.uk

- This is a Test -

There are a lot of these in the PC world...

The world keeps on spinning....

But I cannot work out how to download my blog as a file.

Perhaps a new entry will fix things? What do you think?

Kidnap?

I'm sitting in the Astor house bar drinking a beer and eating a tuna sandwich. I know I'm not supposed to be drinking beer, but it's the end of my trip and I feel a little sad.

Actually, that could be the understatement of the century, or at least of this blog. I think everyone can relate to the end of holiday blues. Multiply it by a factor of eight and you probably get the idea. The end of something is always bad. As someone who I can't remember the name of once said 'everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end at all'

Don't go psychoanalysing that one though, it's a shallow as a kiddies paddling pool.

So this is the end of the road, the finishing line, the final flight, the return trip, the last departure.

There's a horrible finality to all of the above, something that doesn't seem quite fair. After all, it's just the beginning of another chapter. This trip has been full of new chapters and this one is no exception. To extend the dubious metaphor to breaking point, the novel that is my life continues regardless.

Perhaps the next chapter will be a great one, a chapter to end all chapters, the best chapter yet, where the author thrusts all his creative powers into the melting pot and produces the best ideas he has ever created, something he is truly proud of.

Anyway, before I drift off into a Roberto Calvi infused self-referential monologue and I think maybe only one person potentially reading this will even get this reference - Hi Matt! The rest of you need to read more...honestly he's VERY good, try 'If on a winter's night.. a traveller' if you want what your perceptions of what a novel is scrambling.

So, I've digressed... again and now I'm doing that strangely
English thing of apologising about it. There's a great line in 'A fish called Wanda' when John Cleese says 'Do you have any idea what it's like to be English? Having to be right all the time?' I don't think he's actually talking about being 'right' in the true sense of the world, more 'proper' I think. Still, the idea rings true for me.

So, why the title?

Well, I'm giving serious consideration to kidnapping the waitress in this bar. Or any waitress in any bar or hotel for that matter. It would be the perfect abduction, she's a willing victim if you like, enthusiastic to see the world. She's even small enough to fit in my bag. There's been a long standing joke throughout China about abducting the waitresses and hoteliers and taking them with us. They all seem to be up for it.

The reason? They are simply so adorable. They smile all the time and even laugh at my bad jokes, they want to get to know you for no other reason other than natural curiosity and above all they make me laugh. Laugh like I've not laughed for in a long, long time.

In that cold sterile city I call home I think we've forgotten how to smile. Wake up London, it's time to unpack your smiles, throw off your English reserve, start random conversations at bus stops, ask the person in McDonalds if they are having a nice day and discuss with the underground train driver how many people fall down the gap.

Look out London, I'm coming home.

A farewell to arms...

Right then blog readers, this is the end of the road. I hope you've enjoyed the experience. Unless you feel obliged to saturate my Gmail account with entertaining questions I shall see you on the other side of the pond for the uncensored version.

I've battled technology on three continents and to be honest I'm sick to death of it. Roll on an internet connection I can get annoyed about because it's my responsibility.

I think it's been fun, have you enjoyed it? Perhaps next time if you're brave enough, you should come with me. After all, how can you refuse the offer of a Chinese haircut, a Thai jungle cinema or an Indian bus ride?

Where shall we go next time? Will there be a next time? Will Suite have burned to the ground because no one has been doing the fire bell tests? Who knows.

Answers on a postcard or email please....

A somewhat smug blog author, completely unready to deal with the reality of the real world...

Now, where has my cowboy hat gone?

Last chance to see...

Shanghai Nights.

Close up...

Hmmm... nice camera.

Freeloader..

More advertising..

Mobile advertising...

Fishing for compliments.

I'll be your friend..

What did the English ever do for us?

To paraphrase a notoriously over-quoted English comedy sextet.

Well, they conveniently popularised the English language for a start. It has to be said if you didn't speak English, any sort of world travel would be far more laborious. With a basic grasp of English and a rudimentary knowledge of the rules of charades you can pretty much muddle your way through anything.

You have to feel sorry for the European travellers clutching at their Chinese phrase books desperately trying to make themselves understood. Chinese is a notoriously difficult language to get your head round with its rising, high, constant and falling tones and getting it wrong can change the meaning radically.To add insult to injury a large proportion of restaurant menus that offer western food utilise that aggrandised restaurant speak popularised by gastro pubs in England.

God knows how you decode 'ham and tomato sandwich' from 'sun-blushed vine ripened tomatoes and honey roasted herb encrusted leg of ham served on freshly baked wholemeal roll, French baguette or Italian ciabatta.' Even I have to think about that for a moment.

You can imagine the mental summersaults required for someone from The Ukraine to work that lot out. Perhaps that goes some way to explaining why McDonalds and KFC are so popular with tourists here.

So what else did the English do for us? Well, there's also the concept of the float. You know the float, no idea where the name comes from, but it's the idea of having enough change in your till (or tin box, as it is so often here in China) to give your customers change from the inevitably large bills doled out by the ATM's. This concept does not seem to have caught on in any of South East Asia. Thus, we are constantly playing the 'making change game.'

The rules are simple. Wherever possible try to turn your big notes into lots and lots of little notes. Starbucks rather unfortunately comes in handy for this. Pity the poor traveller who gets on a bus with only a hundred Yuan note. That's either going to be a very expensive bus journey, or a very long walk.

The notes here go down to almost ridiculously small amounts - the smallest being half a Yuan, that's about 3 pence in English money. After that you're on to coins, but I've given up on those, I pile them up next to the bed and leave them for the cleaners. (Amendment, they go down to 1/10 of a Yuan - that's 1/150 of a pound, do the maths if you want I can't be bothered to get the calculator out of my pocket)

The concept of credit or debit cards is almost unheard of except in bigger hotels and restaurants. Consequently, everyone wanders around with great wads of cash, which is constantly counted, ordered and folded - it's all rather like a giant game of Monopoly. Nobody has a wallet either - in fact if you whip your wallet out and start fishing around in it for money it usually solicits a great deal of laughter. In a cash only culture what are you going to keep in your wallet anyway? Pictures of your loved ones and used bus tickets?

A man for every job.

The odd thing about China is the number of people doing jobs that you didn't think even existed. I suppose that's the net result of a Communist country and a huge population.

For example in the restaurant this evening you have a meet and greet girl on the door, a gentleman to show you the menu before you get though the door, a head waiter to take you to your table, a different waiter to take your drinks order, a girl to bring the food to your table, a waiter to refill your wine glass, a troop of musicians to play you music and a kitchen full of more chefs than there are customers in the actual restaurant. The toilet has two attendants one male and one female, a cleaner or three and no doubt in some swanky places someone to turn the tap on and hand you a towel. I swear there was even someone to wave us good by as we departed.

The same happens in the Hotel, multiple receptionists complete your check-in paper work in duplicate whilst bell boys attend to your bags. Endless cleaners roam around emptying ashtrays and sweeping the floor whilst window cleaners polish windows and the numerous in hotel shops are staffed by even more numerous shop assistants.

Wandering back to the room more meet and greet people hover around the doorways to bars, Internet facilities, meeting rooms and massage parlours inviting you in. The endless doors and elevators also have their own attendants.

I happened to ask for a travel adapter and a woman arrived with a trolley full of every conceivable plug adapter, inverter, transformer and coupler imaginable. Judging from the efficacy with which she located the correct adapter I reckon that is her specific job. I assume that there is someone allocated to every other whim the guests may have.

The cleaning staff are the same, although they are far too efficient and discreet to ever be seen, there's probably one for the bathroom, one for the bedding, one to plump the pillows, one to sweep the floor, one to dust the surfaces, someone to replenish the minibar and probably someone to supervise all the others.

The same extends onto the street, dozens of street cleaners patrol the streets cleaning every aspect of it, busy junctions have attendants at the crossings armed with whistles and flags. Policeman of numerous types with endlessly varying uniforms supervise every element of the roadways, pavements, parks and thoroughfares.

Books on Management skills must sell by the truck load here.

I am glad that tipping in hotels is not normal practice though. I'd be bankrupted by one trip to the restaurant and back.

Hello, I'm only here for two weeks...

...but can I change your brainwashing?

Now don't take this the wrong way. I believe in personal liberty, freedom and the American flag. Actually scrap that last bit, please feel free to print it out on recycled paper and burn it, along with the flag.

Despite outward appearances to the contrary China is a still a Communist country. Information is heavily controlled in all walks of life. Great swathes of the Internet are censored, prone to return mysterious Chinese versions of the 'Page not Found' error in Internet Explorer. Television is the same, it's curious at first you can't work out what is missing, then suddenly it hits you, there's only good news.

What you make of this is your own. Perhaps you think that information in the west is not controlled. I think you are very naive if you do.

Still, a lot of entertainment is to be had watching well meaning foreigners trying to re-educate the populous about cultural affairs and world politics. I have to admire their optimism, Personally I think you'd have an easier time trying to convince the Chinese that the world is flat.

Witness the Australian do-gooder trying to explain to a tour guide the 'reality' of Mao's cultural revolution. The response from the guide was swift and practised, like a sentry point guard swinging into action. 'Of course that's not true, that is a common Western misconception'

I think perhaps there's been plenty of education here on how to deal with the foreigners and their 'lies.' History, I suspect is relatively easy to re-write if you have enough control.

Still, you have to admire them for having a go. I don't think we can change the world that quickly though. The English Empire tried to achieve that, look where it is now.

Tourist Tunnel.

So they've built a tunnel under the river to allow you to get to the other side. There's one in Greenwich if memory serves me correctly. Fair enough. This being Shanghai they've turned it into an amusing lightshow to entertain the tourists. You have to pity the poor commuters who have to use it every day, especially if suffering a major hangover.

Chinglish #5

Ohdearweseemtohavelostthespacekeyonthekeyboard.

OK, just one more skyscraper before I go...

They just keep getting bigger and bigger...

Let's build another one here...

..and here.

Small microdots, also known as people.

There are some buildings in the smog somewhere honestly.

Tasteful eh?

Excuse the blurry photography, I didn't have my tripod with me...or something.

It's strangely surreal eh? There's even a boat cruising up and down the river with a full size Cinemascope screen on the back showing film trailers. How crazy is that?

Big pointy tower

Ooh, that's tasteful and so small as well at 367 metres. Let's go to the top of it.

Token flag shot.

The view is not bad.

Like being in a plane.

A fairly average seven story shopping Mall. We went to a 'San Fransisco Steak House' to eat - the cowboy hat fitted in with their dress code quite nicely.

Random day out

No, I don't know what it is either.

More attempts at looking cool. Well, thinner at least.

Yes, everyone dresses like this in China. Ahem.

Weird chairs. Cool. Rubbish to sit on I suspect.

Ancient Chinese umbrella for catching the rain.

Washing day?

Today's lunch looks slightly over-cooked.

One of those Chinese gardens.

..complete with pagodas and bridges.

Nothing like a cliche.

Shanghai - Hotel Astor

Blimey, the rooms here are BIG. Ours is a basic room and it weighs in at a hefty 40'x20'


Now all we need is a little girl on a bicycle and "The Shining"metaphor will be complete.

Tinglish #4

Do not drive fatigue - on a road sign
Do not used toilet train stabilised - train toilet door
Please don't take the odds and ends put into the nightstool - Sign in a toilet
Question Authorty - Sign Lhasa Bank of China
Safety Needing Attention! Be care of depending fire. Sweep away six injurious insect. Pay attention to civilisation. - Hotel lobby fire sign.
Do not stroke the works - Museum
Be careful not to be stolen - Shopping Precinct

I hope you appreciate this.

This is my computer...

Here's Blogger in Johnny foreigner speak. Everything looks a bit like this. If you try and create a new folder it comes up as 新建文件夹 (You probably won't even see this without the character set installed)

(Queue round of applause for Pat and myself, 10/10 for tenacity!)

Peking Cowboy

Gatecrashers.

We accidentally wandered into the opening of an art exhibition. 'Please take as many photos as possible!' seemed to be the order of the day.


'Please climb on the artwork and use it as a viewing platform!' seemed to be another.

The waiter looked confused when asked for a glass of wine. Judging from the time it took to open a bottle this was a new experience for him. Probably not made any easier by the plastic gloves.

Snacks were provided. Peanut butter and French bread didn't quite take my fancy though.

Zoom Lens?

Taken on the end of a zoom lens perhaps? No, actually it was directly above my head whilst sat in a roof top cafe. Fortunately, I had no desire to fly any kites that day.

Art (Modern)